The dating pool

When it comes to relationships, I have not had a lot of success. It's my own fault - I was never very good at navigating those waters. My first big crush was Dusty in elementary school. Like any novice who doesn't know what they are doing - I went about it all wrong. We were making puppets in art class and to win Dusty's attention, I purposely made the most hideous puppet in creation and dubbed it, "Dusty." The plan worked, sort of. It definitely got his attention but only to inspire Dusty to make an equally ugly paper bag puppet and name it "Kirsten." After getting a good taste of my own medicine, I kept my affections in check. It wasn't until high school when I met Josh that I really wanted my interests to be noticed. Josh had an impressive halo of hair that was long, red and curly. He dressed like a hippie and played socceer. I was fascinated but I did not spill the beans. My friends did, however. They wrote a tell-all note and slipped it into his locker. When I found out about it I am not sure what grieved me more, that my emotions were exposed, like sitting ducks, or that he never asked me out. Then came Paul in college, who did ask me out. My first date, ever, ever, was wonderful. We went to a coffehouse and listened to a guitar player/singer. I think I drank somesort of candybar flavored coffee. Afterwards, he drove to a field and we searched the night sky for constellations. But being in unfamiliar turf made me feel nervous; I just wanted to run back to what was safe, familiar. That became a trend for me - I would meet someone, I would tentatively dip my feet into the dating pool and then I would run away. I worried about bruising people's feelings but I figured it would be short-term, they would go off and eventually find someone else. The older I got, the more my solitary state became clearer as everyone around me married and had children. But this isn't a hopeless tale. It's actually full hope. I keep hoping and crossing my fingers that around the corner or the next day, I'll be ready to dive into those waters.